I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
