Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My balls are so social today.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
