I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
my being single is dangerous.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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