Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
