Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize