By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
