Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
