I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
