I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
