she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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