She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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