Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Randomize
