i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
