Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
