yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
