What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize