If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
