U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize