Cold hands, warm shart.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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