Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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