The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize