Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
