The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize