you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
