when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize