ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize