I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
