Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize