Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
