I will die if light touches me.
I could make wine with my vomit
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
