sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
