why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
