I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize