How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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