I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
