What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
