it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
