I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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