I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
