Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
