I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
