Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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