Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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