I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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