I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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