Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize