I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
