im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
