No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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