every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
