I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
