you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
