i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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