I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
They took my balls.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
