No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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