It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
