She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
