life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
