can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize