I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
