Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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