His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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