nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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