you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
