please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
