You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
two words: eviction party
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My vagina just clenched in fear
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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