Can i not drive my cunt home
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
