I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
accomplished twins. life is a go
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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