I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
