i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize