everyone is single if you try hard enough
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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