To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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