Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
