So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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