I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
