I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i may or may not be watching the land before time
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
there is glitter all over my balls
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